What is sexual counseling?
Sexual counseling / sexual therapy deals with questions on or problems with sexuality. There are various forms. Here, we describe how sexual counseling proceeds at the pro familia Zentrum Mainz.
The service is aimed at individual persons and couples (regardless of sexual orientation), who have questions on their sexuality or are suffering from sexual disorders. Dissatisfaction with one’s own sex life is widespread.
Those seeking advice with questions on sexual orientation or sexual identity also come to sexual counseling, if they want psychological support for themselves or as a relative – above all in the phase of change.
Sexual problems can have many causes. Typical manifestations are e.g. lack of desire, pain, erection or orgasm difficulties. They can be symptoms of a physical or mental illness, but also relationship problems (e.g. due to new roles after the birth of a child or in the case of infertility).
Sexual difficulties can also be due to experiences of sexual violence / abuse in childhood or as an adult.
Sexual disorders also include sex addiction (e.g. extreme porn consumption on the internet) and exhibitionism or fetishism, if those seeking advice or those around them suffer as a result of this.
Counseling for perpetrators of punishable sexual acts such as abuse or sexual violence is not offered at the pro familia Zentrum Mainz.
What is the process of sexual counseling?
When a couple is advised, both should have sufficient willingness to change. If this is not the case, individual counseling for one or both may be an alternative.
The counseling is usually made of a series of conversations = sessions. The duration of the sessions is 60 or 90 minutes in a rhythm of once a week to once a month. As processes are started in counseling – e.g. to change certain behavior patterns - it can also take longer. The overall duration of a sexual counseling differs greatly: sometimes one clearing session is sufficient, but most take 5 to 20 sessions, and some even longer until the desired objective is achieved. This can not be defined precisely in advance.
Mostly several causes are involved in the development of a sexual disorder. Depending on to which cause(s) it is in each individual case, a different approach is required. Therefore a careful diagnosis is important at the beginning. For this purpose, it may be necessary to consult a doctor in addition to a sex counseling center, in order to identify possible physical or medical causes (e.g. hypertension, diabetes, hormonal disorders, consequences of surgery, and consequences of drugs).
If the cause of the sexual problem is a mental illness (e.g. depression, psychosis, anxiety disorders, addictions, trauma of violence experience), this must first be treated psychotherapeutically and/or medically before a sexual counseling can be conducted.
In the first meeting, an overall picture of the problem situation should become clear. The client/s gets an idea of how the counselor works and what the objective of the counseling is.
In addition, the client/s and the counselor will agree the formal points such as cost, duration, frequency and cancelation conditions between them.
In the further course of sexual counseling it will be spoken about the development of one’s own sexuality and previous experiences. The individual or the couple will be supported, in being able to recognize and pronounce his/her desires and needs. Thereafter they look together for ways how the desired sex can be implemented. Practical exercises can play a supportive role. This doesn’t mean practiced sexuality within the counseling, but exercises for the perception of one's body, to regulate closeness and distance, for perceive and express one’s needs or fantasies, etc. In order to practice what clients have learned and to make new experiences, “homework” between be the sessions can be useful.
What should you expect from the sexual counselors?
Our sexual counselors have studied education or psychology and have therapeutic additional qualifications in couples and sexual therapy. They regularly participate in supervision and further training.
The counselors are impartial and usually give no advice, because what has worked for others is often not suitable for the individual case. In spite of their impartiality counselors must sometimes take a position, e.g. in the case of violence.
Sexual counseling is not just about to correct disorders, so that sexuality is working again, but also about making neglected sexual desires conscious, and learn to express them, and evolve one’s sexuality. This leads on the Sexual addition, a personal and partnership development.
Counseling is also about the relationship with the counselor. Clients should check whether they feel comfortable with this counselor.